Here's My Heart - Is it safe with you?
I think this is a fundamental question consciously or subconsciously asked by every person who walks this planet: "Is my heart safe with you?" The need to feel safe is so deeply embedded in our souls; it is an underpinning of everything we are and do.
I see it in my relationships with my kids. They desire to share their hearts with me, but am I safe? Am I trustworthy? Sometimes I feign attention and miss the important. Just as bad is when I hijack their vulnerability and try to teach instead.
I see it in my relationship with my husband. He needs to feel confident that he can risk failing and yet still have a wife that cheers and supports. Can he share big dreams and know that they will be valued and not undermined?
I see it in my relationship with my God- me seeking safety in Him. I repeatedly ask an unspoken question of Jesus: "Here's my heart, Lord. You see it to the depths. Yet, can I open up my heart to You? What do I get in return? What do I risk?"
I have a two choices! (You do, too.) I could open my heart to Jesus. Opening my heart means a step of faith. Though my head tells me He is good and loving and able, my heart can lie viciously and trust feebly. Keeping my heart closed seems simpler and the more in-control choice. But keeping my heart closed means I try harder; manage better, or blame more. For me, this manifests itself in stress, anger, or isolation. The closed-heart is not pretty.
When I recognize that I need to open my heart to Jesus, I can be assured that a work of grace has already begun! God by His Spirit draws me once for salvation but never stops drawing near! Grace upon grace upon grace. I need to consciously (sometimes out loud) name what is happening in my heart as I risk coming into Jesus' presence in search of safety. Do you know what I find? Rest, not increased pressure. Comfort, not condemnation. The closed-heart leads to condemnation; closing myself off from my Author is to open myself to my accuser. The heart open to God is lovely- able to give and receive love.
So right now, I am needing to do hard things. (Maybe you do, too.) This is provoking, because I dislike hard things. Last week, we talked as a family about what animal we each would be if we could not be human! Dolphins, lions, bears were chosen, but I decided I would be a deer. Ironic, because deer run at the slightest provocation! Fitting, because I can run to Jesus.
Below is a link to one of my favorite songs. It's like an open-hearted prayer. For me, after I have wrestled with God over the hard stuff - perhaps thrown a tantrum or two - I am worn out, ready to submit, seeking rest, and ready for God to "speak what is true." And He does.
