Great Expectations vs I Shall Not Want

Is there a particular word that you dislike more than others?  A cringe-inducing, grates-on-your-nerves word?  I have one.  If I use it in conversation or speak about it like I know, it's fine.  Even "spiritual."  But if it sneaks into my heart and mind uninvited, look out.  It's the "S" word.

I tend to have high expectations for life.  I resonate with Thoreau - I want "to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."  (Um....gross!?  But I digress.)  Adventure, fun, exploits, insight- did I mention fun?  I seek after a full life, well-lived.  It takes zeal and courage.  Can you relate to the courage needed when hoping for a new thing, a bigger thing?  The excitement that comes with careful planning towards your passion?  But the new or bigger thing doesn't always happen.  The prayer gets answered with a loud "No!"  Your expectation is not met.  When hopes are dashed again, discouragement can set in.  What then?  

For me, discouragement takes a nasty turn when it is not spoken aloud to a person of trust, wisdom, and compassion.  And for me to speak out loud my discouragement takes courage!  These feel antithetical:  If I am already discouraged, and it takes courage to talk, then the likelihood of me sharing it with another person is not exactly an ace in the hole. But there are Spirit-led times when I do share my feelings and doubts; God brings it to light, where His truth can reveal lies I have believed about my circumstance, or about my God.  But I cannot represent as one who does this well and often.  So many times, I keep discouragement to myself for too long. What then?  A critical spirit can take root.

This cycle of Great Expectations met with Acute Disappointment turns into Critical Spirit dawned on me this week.  A dear friend confessed having a critical spirit; I realized I am guilty of the same.  As I prayed over this, this cycle seemed to come into view.  I can trace back the lines of this in my life:  I think I see God's work on the horizon; I am watchful.  He seems to be on the brink of a new thing.  I pray.  I plan.  Baby, I am on board with the New Thing, yes and amen!  Then the new thing doesn't happen.  Or worse, the work seems to move from high-speed 5th gear, shoved abruptly into reverse.  No, no, no!  In my own power, I cannot handle the disappointment or its best friend, disillusionment.  So these joined forces form a critical spirit.  As in, I am on a fact-finding mission to determine causes and some one or thing is usually to blame (says my disappointed and disillusioned heart), and I am fairly determined to find out.  Trouble is, this usually becomes a vicious cycle. 

How do you break the cycle?  I could request a personality transplant.  I could become chronically complacent with low-expectations.  (Who wants to suck life's marrow anyway?)  How do I handle the disappointment?  Is it a sin to be disappointed?  I don't see evidence of that in the Bible, but I do know how damaging is a critical spirit.  The only way I know to handle this is by using the dreaded "S" word.

Surrender.  Oh, for the Christian to sing about surrendering all to Christ - so sweet, so simple.  SO ridiculously hard when we have hard-fought for something big.  But what else is there to do but surrender?  Being critical usually leads me to anger.  Anger is an interesting motivator and energy source for awhile.  Till its ugly side effects are seen or felt.  Till its obvious that it is incredibly depleting.  (Because the joy of the Lord is my strength, not the anger of my jaded self.)  When I have sought God's will and still experience acute disappointment, a critical spirit sets in unless I can share it with another, and then surrender.  What does that even mean?  I let go of what I wanted so badly.  I imagine opening my tight-fisted hands and dropping the thing (or the hopes of the thing) into God's hands, believing Him to be wise, and loving, and good.
 
This song cuts me to the quick.  Titled, "I Shall Not Want," it names our fears and unmet longings.  With them comes the reminder of the promise of God's goodness as recounted in Psalm 23, "surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life....I shall not want."

What Have You Become?

This is like a Choose Your Own Adventure blog post.  Did you read those growing up?  I binged on them one summer.  My paperback page-turning skills were mad that year.

Read the whole post or just the Truth Section or just the Dare Section.  So fun! 

Truth:  I am sad to see Christ Community's summer sermon series on the Ten Commandments come to an end.  I am still ruminating on the teaching; still surprised by the depth of this "good" book (and for the record, who coined that term?  What an underwhelming term for the inspired word of God!); still needing to look more deeply into this mirror, to face the necessary changes with grace and courage.

Dare:  How to Kill "Church Greeting Time" in 10 Easy Steps:
It's that time in the worship service again.  Check your breath, fix on a smile, and greet someone!  Only today you are instructed to "Confess your sins one to another during today's Greeting Time, and you will be healed.  Model this special confession after the Ten Commandments."

Take a deep breath, turn to your unsuspecting seat neighbor, and begin:

"Hi!  I am Sara.  I...

1.  set myself up as God,
2.  am an idolater, 
3.  abuse of God's name, 
4.  keep an unholy Sabbath Day,
5.  dishonor my mother and father, 
6.  am a murderer,
7.  am an adulterer,
8.  am a stealer, [not to be confused with Steeler - little preseason football humor],
9.  bear false witness against a whole lotta people,
10. and I am also a coveter.   I not only set myself up as God, I want other things more than I want God, too."    "What's that, you say?  You are looking for the closest exit?"

Truth:  A favorite quote from the sermon on the 8th Commandment, You shall not steal:  "You become like your offering.  The treasure you seek becomes the master you serve."  Here is what I wrote in my journal the next morning:  

• If I treasure my family's happiness above God, my family's happiness (or lack thereof) will master me.
• If I treasure my own comfort, then I will be a slave to pursuing what feels good.
• If I treasure Christ - living to make much of God - Jesus will remain rightly as my Lord and Master, and "all these things will be added to me as well"  ("these" meaning the kingdom of God and his righteousness, not my family's happiness and my comfort!).

Last summer I was working a lot on my landscaping- a good thing!  I love gardening and landscaping; it can be such a stress-reliever for me.  Outside, alone, praying about and processing life.  However, I had a distinct thought toward the end of the season.  Having devoted an inordinate amount of time, I said to myself, "This has mastered me!"  No triumph; little satisfaction.  Much regret.  This summer, my yard is a mess of weeds, my garden was laughable. The love of tennis threatened to master me, save that my tennis partners are not always available; alas, I have not been mastered.  A few close calls....

Dare:  "You become like your offering.  The treasure you seek becomes the master you serve."  What "treasure" is threatening to become your master?  

• Do you treasure nutrition for your family?
• Do you treasure education for your family?
• Do you treasure manis & pedis and highlights and lowlights..er...for your family? 
• Do you treasure social media to promote your family?
• Do you treasure cultural enrichment for your family?
• Do you treasure your well-appointed, crazy-high mortgaged home for your family?

You get the idea!  Consider what threatens to master you.  Often, where our thoughts go the fastest is the path to follow to find our true master.

Truth:  When we treasure Christ, we see what a gracious, giving, joyful master He is.  How do you know when He is your Master?  Here is a glimpse: When, after catching a child doing wrong and I harshly appoint consequences, Christ has not been my Master.  When the Holy Spirit nudges me to speak or act in a way out of character for me that blesses another, Christ has been my Master.  

Treasuring Christ is not a one-time, forever declaration.  Treasuring Christ is a moment-by-moment surrender to the Holy Spirit of God within- acting in obedience.  Treasuring Christ is devoting your time to getting to know the God who intimately knows you; devoting your talents to serving the God who has served you.

Dare:  Take some time to prayerfully ask yourself this question at the end of the day for the next several days:   

What did I treasure today?  (Where did I invest my thoughts, efforts, money, affection?) 
Could I stand before Christ and say, "You are my treasure!"?

And when you fail (because you will), will you preach the gospel to yourself? 
All my efforts could never be sufficient to treasure Christ in the manner He is due.  But grace abounds!  Jesus perfectly fulfilled the 10 Commandments because I never could.  Today, I confess to you Lord that I treasured _______________________ above Christ.  Forgive me! Thank you that you clean me up to present me blameless before our Father.  Thank you for treasuring me so much that you sent Christ for me.

For your glory!  
Amen.